Tag: alcoholism

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Trying To Not Drink

Had a tough time today with alcohol. So very glad I didn’t drink. Was at lunch with two coworker friends , even the bartender was drinking hard liquor at lunchtime. It was cozy in there, I felt like I was missing out by not drinking with them.

Then at the end of the work day most of the office had a game of poker and just about everybody was drinking. I don’t know why, but after a while I had the thought that I really wanted to drink, and that maybe I could be ok with one drink or so. Thankfully I am  blessed that I didn’t drink. The strongest urge lasted only a moment or two, but it is scary to think that I considered it for a moment.

I have two and a half years without drinking. And I am still having frightening times of desire. I am scared to want to drink. I am scared to be fooled into thinking that I can have only a little and things will be perfectly fine.

The reality is the next time I choose to drink, I feel that myself or someone else could die. That is how serious alcohol affects me. How innocent and controllable one voluntary swig seems, but that one swig is a switch to open the floodgates of destruction.

With alcohol I don’t ever know how much destruction I will cause, or to whom.

I cant let that happen.

Please help me to stay clean. Please help me to stay clear and clean from alcohol. Please.

Thank you.

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Chillin Trying To Not Drink

Im so glad Im not drinking. Im so grateful. Im so blessed. Im so lucky.

When Im not drinking, I trust myself. Others can trust me. I may make mistakes sober but they wont be flagrant, belligerent, or overly destructive.

When Im not drinking I have more control of a beautiful Life, and I have trust of myself.

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Oetics Trying To Not Drink

The day could begin so classy, or innocently. Olives and crackers and feta cheese, a high-line party thrown by some big-wig production company.

10 hours later I could end up waking on a subway train seat, articles of mine missing. No recollection of what I’ve done, where I’ve been the last 5 hours. No idea what I have done to whom, and vice versa.

Once the first drop hits the brain, the signal all-of-a-sudden becomes “I can handle this, it’s not that bad. I am in control. I can have another”

Ten drinks later, sloppily stumbling into people and embarrassing myself on the street, incoherently speaking, looking for another place to drink, much more prone to violence…still saying the same thing, “I can handle this, it’s not that bad. I am in control. I can have another”